Key Terms

Plot
JUNIOR FUCKING DIES:

Hey bitches

One day i was riding my kinda uncle eugene's motorcycle with him and i fell off

He came back when he was like damn my secret lover died

My last words were "finally.... i hate life"

The end

i m in hell

Fuck

I was devastated. My literal grandma fucking got ran over. She was trying to come home on Christmas Eve and it was a fucking reindeer that did her in. I fucking hate reindeers. I always have. I'm depressed.

Why do I hate reindeers? I had a one night stand with one and they never called me back. Fuck you Prancer. You broke my heart, bitch.

Anyways. I'm still upset about my grandma fucking dying. Like, what the hell. The wake was so fucking annoying and this bitchass named Ted, who I also had a one night stand with, tried to steal the fucking show like a manwhore. So obviously I was in a pissy mood.

Then Eugene asked me if I wanted to get ice cream. Obviously i wanted to because i am in love with him haha but I am not gay Im in love with my best friend Rowdy who I also fucked.

I was ecstatic. It had been a horrible day but Eugene was the sunshine in the rain. I say yes, trying to keep my heartbeat calm as I climb on the bike behind him.

I thought about last night, when me and my girlfriend fucked. It was my first time fucking a girl. I have fucked multiple guys but I'm not gay. I fucked Mr. P, my geometry teacher after I threw a book at him. I fucked Gordy after I dressed up as a book for Halloween and gave him a boner. I fucked Roger after I punched him in the face. I fucked my coach at the hospital in a closet. I had a fourway with the Andruss Triplets after they beat me up. I fucked Earl after he called me racist slurs. I fucked Mr. Dodge after we argued about wood. I fucked Mr. Grant in homeroom. I fucked Mr. Sheridan in history class. I fucked a bottle of pee that i peed in when I was lost in the woods. I fucked a book after I got a boner from it. I fucked a car in the Denny's parking lot at 2am. I fucked a tree in my backyard. I fucked a bat and accidently caused it to die. I fucked a basketball after the game. I fucked Eugene's motorcycle after I fucked him.

But none of that matters now. I was with Eugene. I was so excited I could cry. The road was dark and the sky was dark too, but I couldn't help but feel the air was romantic.

"You excited to get your ice cream, chap?" Eugene calls from the front of the bike over the wind.

Chap! He called me chap!

"U-Um," I stuttered. "Yes..."

Eugene smiled. I knew he wanted to be with me. He was my dream, and I was his chap.

Everything was great.

Except I fucking fell off the fucking bike while we were going top speed on the highway.

I also peed myself.

All the cars behind us, including the one I fucked, ran over me like I was nothing. I guess I was nothing after all.

Eugene sped off faster than before, not even noticing I wasn't clinging to him anymore. He got to the ice cream place and ordered a fucking vanilla cone, then he left. He seemed to think that he was forgetting something, but he brushed it off. It probably wasn't important.

The sky was even darker now. Eugene sped back the way he came on his bike, licking his cone like it was nothing. He was good with his tongue.

About a quarter of the way back, he saw something in the middle of the road. It was Junior, his body horribly mangled but still breathing somehow. Poor chap must have peed himself.

"Pee lol." Junior said.

Eugene's eyes hardened. He fucked up. Killing his lover and his best friend's son like that. Welp. There was only one thing to do now.

Eugene pressed hard on the gas. Fucking Junior's corpse, he sped over the boy's body, killing him after all. Hopefully the kid's family just forgot about him.

The end. <3

Trivia

 * this episode is based off of a book
 * this is the first episode where none of the idiot squad appears